I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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