Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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