Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
as a side note pls kill me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
