my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
