I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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