she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
