Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
