Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize