if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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