I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
