to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
