I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
