we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
