remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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