so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
