at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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