my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
