woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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