Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
