do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
