Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
