Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize