i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
