The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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