There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
