I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize