sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
