You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Randomize
