I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
