So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
