please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
