whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
