playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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