brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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