he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
