I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize