apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
