How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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