Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
