so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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