And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
