just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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