____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
