I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
