You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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