Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
