Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
