I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
