so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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