He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish i was in the wii world.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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