He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
