I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
