the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want nice things and good sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
