I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
