Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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