My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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