Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
