dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
