had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
