I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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