don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
