Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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