operation harelip BJ is a go
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize