if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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