Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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