Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
