talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
