There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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