tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
