It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
