my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
