I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
