walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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