why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
