Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
