I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
